I had the recent pleasure of spending nearly 24 hrs between Kennedy and LaGuardia airports in NYC because of weather delays and massive flight cancellations.  The funny thing about the weather was no one else was experiencing problems, but somehone all 3 major NY/NJ airports were closed.  I now officially qualify at the real life “The Terminal” and I hope this blog is better received than the Tom Hanks flop.

Like the NFL:

New favorite thing: after a flight gets canceled the gate agents go to the side and huddle like NFL officials trying to sort out a call w/ multiple flags thrown.  It’s dead on, right down to the people/players trying to overhear what they’re saying.

Some Sightings:

- Dwight Gooden coming of a flight from Tampa in an Ed Hardy t-shirt

- Alan Ruck – better known as Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (is he better known now from Spin City?) standing w/ the rest of us losers waiting for our bags to be given back to us after our flight was canceled.  By the way, is there a worse feeling in the world?

- Saw a guy who was a spitting image of the British guy from Cocktail who is Tom Cruise’s mentor/mortal enemy

- Saw several people who looked like former ESPN anchor Dave Feldman

Stuck in an airport all day…

- listening to random people’s conversations was a great way to pass time.  One guy keep cold calling, doctors or insurance companies telling people “our center is the very best.”  I was tempted to ask him if he meant Yao Ming or Dwight Howard

- Most random sports jersey was a Corey Koskie Twins jersey, which I kept seeing all around.  Might have been seen 20 different Koskie jerseys, or all on one guy

- I tried Orange Juice for the first time in years – I’m not a fan and still don’t see how this drink has such a strangle-hold on breakfast.

- Worst dressed (and there were a lot): male in jean shorts, sporting an oversized t-shirt that had a picture of 2 puppies on it….tucked in no less, without a belt

Bumped into a friend who get me into the Delta Sky Miles Club – I think it’s the only place where the majority of people still wear suits – I don’t even think the business travelers needed them for their meetings, they just didn’t want to be underdressed in the sky miles club.  I know I got in free, but they could stand to turn down the A/C and have more fruit selections besides green and red apples and not-free WiFi, which literally should be illegal in an airport. 

On the plane…

When I finally got aboard the plane, the not funny lead flight attendant went with “ladies and gentlemen, we request your patience because we’re missing one thing – a co-pilot.  He’s actually coming in from Boston in 45 minutes.”  This would have been ok, had the guy sitting directly in front of me not smelled like a brewery and reclined his seat to where our noses were touching.  But then, the highlight of the 24 hours happened – security came on the plane, told the guy he was too hammered to fly and removed him from the plane….followed by the lowlight – a crying baby being moved into his seat.

I’ve now gone 250+ flights where I haven’t been able to let out a “yes” when they announce the in-flight movie.  If you had “Nim’s Island” and “Flawless” on your round trip, you know the feeling.  Doesn’t it always seem like you get the worst of the movie choices compared to the others listed in the awful magazine that I always get mesmerized in their map that shows where the time zones change.  I mean, the other choices were Be Kind, Rewind and Definitely, Maybe – both definitely, superior to my choices.  But I think the only way I could see either was if I did 2 stops that include a stop-over in Sioux Falls.  Seriously, is this some scam to get me to fly more?

Contact Steve at Spolitziner